Today's Banana Bread; Chocolate Cake that is Safe As Milk.

October 15, 2020

Photographic Evidence


Those Count Chocula Cookies were almost great, impeded mainly by the cereal itself.

To Prepare

I’ll be honest I waited a few days to write this one up, so even more than usual Your Mileage May Vary.

In roughly equal proportions combine: spelt flour, almond flour, brown sugar, cocoa powder. Add salt, baking soda, and about 1/4 of a tonka bean freshly and finely grated. Mix dry ingredients like basically any time you make anything.

Add just a little vanilla, zest of two oranges, and four eggs. Inspired by those stories about “The Native Americans” as though they were a single cultural group we’re using the whole egg this time both to avoid waste and so the yolks will help our bread grow strong. Actually I have no idea but it is easier and this country was birthed in the blood of genocide. The Views and Opinions expressed in this recipe belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the chocolate cakes themselves. So anyway, four eggs.

Mix in a few bittersweet chocolate chips, maybe 1/3 of a bag.

The dough was pretty stiff and I think I added just a tiny bit of water to loosen it before remembering that I hadn’t yet added the coconut oil. How much? The amount of coconut oil melted in the pan was obviously less than a full stick of butter, so maybe it was like 3/4 of a stick? Pro-tip: For low-fat baked goods travel back in time to when people thought that would make them healthier.

It takes a little work to incorporate oil into a stiff batter, and the batter stays pretty stiff, but anyhow after that you just glop it out onto some parchment-paper lined little bitty loaf pans (we seriously have these like, kawaii loaf pans that I assume are only sold at Sur La Table’s Comic-Con booth or in the Williams and Sonoma Wedding Registry Special Edition Catalog. I’m not even kidding: go to the top and look at the photo again, this time armed with the knowledge that the knife shown isn’t a bread knife, it’s a tomato knife.) and bake at 350 for about an hour.

Oh yeah, go back to the top and preheat your oven before you make the dough.


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Hi mom!