Ginger Jalepeño Cookies

September 10, 2020

Photographic Evidence


To Prepare

Zest the lime around 7:30am (you’re prepping something for your wife’s lunch and it’s easier if you zest it before you juice it). Now there’s a mixing bowl with some lime zest in it and you’ve basically committed to making this recipe. The microplane is already out and full of lime zest so you may as well grate some nutmeg. No turning back now.

Add the remaining dry ingredients and go do your normal morning stuff. While you’re getting the sugar out notice that your chia seeds bag is upside down. Luckily it was almost empty. Also luckily the shelf was pretty clean, or at least enough so you can tell yourself it was clean. Soak the chia seeds in some water. The ratio is 2:1 but it’s easy to add more water so you can just aim low and adjust if necessary. Like most things in life.

Go get some exercise; these cookies aren’t going to metabolize themselves and you have to start work soon.

Preheat oven to 350 F.

Melt the coconut oil.

Add the vanilla extract, wet-gelled chia seeds, a drizzle of molasses. Peel and then grate the ginger right into the mix. Rinse the ginger off your hands and unmute yourself real quick so you can answer your coworker’s question (you’re totally in a zoom meeting right now but it’s one where you mostly only need to listen and your camera is off).

Turn off the burner under the coconut oil but wait a while before you pour it in cause it’s too hot. You could’ve used a microwave if you owned one, they’re totally fine.

Chop the jalepeño very finely. Shit, they’re asking you another question! Don’t touch your face. This is like early covid19 all over again. whynow whynow whynow. Oh man, you need to look something up. It’s cool. Be cool. Tell them it’s taking you a minute to find and you’ll circle back. Wash your hands. Do your job. Everything’s fine.

Later you’ll notice that though you touched your laptop enough to unmute, you never did get any chili-residue-in-eye effects.

Check the codebase for the detail in question (it really does take a couple minutes to find) and enter it into the chat, no need to interrupt.

Add the jalapeño, egg, coconut oil and chocolate chips. I know chocolate chips weren’t in the ingredients list and you might be concerned that chocolate and jalepeño go together like oil and water, but you literally already are mixing oil and water into these cookies. Also, if you’re honest, almost any cookie is better with chocolate chips. While we’re at it, add some of that kumquat marmalade you made last year; just a little spoonful so the orangey kumquat flavor blends with lime and ginger, you won’t regret it.

Hey remember those last few pieces of candied ginger you bought a few weeks ago? Doesn’t this seem like the perfect time to chop those up and throw them in some cookies?

Mix and spoon out onto parchment paper lined tray. Top with salt flakes, obvi. You went a little heavy on the flour and sugar so tear off some parchment paper into your loaf pan and plop two more little cookies in there.

Bake for 20 25 minutes or until the ones in the cookie sheet are starting to get golden at the edges. You should’ve left the ones in the loaf pan in for a couple minutes longer; it’s heavier metal, but they still cooked fine.


The green pepper adds a slight vegetal taste that’s dissonant in a cookie. Next time maybe a red jalepeño, or cayenne powder. Otherwise I’d say your plan worked perfectly.

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Hi mom!